Terrified

Only a few more days and Caitlyn will have a sibling. I am beyond worried about her and not quite sure what to think myself. Caity will always be #1 for me... we have been through so much together. I know I am sometimes hard on her but for the most part it is for her safety. The kid can be a bit crazy at times. I am so proud of her in every way. She knows what she wants and the buttons to push in order to get it. Even at 3.5 years old she can control any situation.

Every day I try to show her how much she means to me. I don't ever want her to feel as though she is not important to me. Of course we fight at times but I make sure she knows I am here no matter what.

Having this 2nd child has pretty much taken every bit of life out of me. I want to be more active. Do more things with Caitlyn. Just be my old self again but that will never happen... there will be a new normal pretty soon. I just hope my little girl can handle it.

I have been beyond stressed lately. Between work, Cait and her father I don't even know what to think. We are still trying to sell the house. I can't concentrate on anything. Terrified of depression kicking in.

For the longest time Caitlyn has said she wanted a brother or sister. I just hope we can all handle it. I am an only child so I have no clue what it is like to have a sibling. Is it possible that this is only adding to my stress and swaying my thoughts this way?

No matter what Caity Cait is my girl. I love her.


Her first trip to Atlantic City - long time ago
Soccer 2009

4 comments:

Tiffany @ Lattes And Life said...

I'm an only child too, and I do think that plays a part in how we handle adding the second sibling. We have no concept of how it's supposed to go!!!

susan said...

I can only imagine the stress you must be feeling right now. Hopefully it helps to know that you have a strong network of friends, near and far, who love you and want nothing but absolute success and happiness for you. Caitlyn and this new baby are two of the luckiest kids in the world to have a mama who cares so very much for them. You're amazing and your beautiful babies have nothing but the very best ahead of them!

Valerie said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I will have a long post tonight about my doc visit today.

Lora said...

I came to say what Susan said. I love you, I love your babies, I miss you,and I can't fathom what you are feeling right now.